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Infidelity and Divorce Index

 

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Separation: What to Do and What Not to Do

Do reassure your children that your breakup had nothing to do with them.

Do reaffirm that both parents love them and care for them. Even when you feel the other parent needs a dose of maturity, children need to know they are loved.

Do maintain consistency and discipline. Too often parents relax the rules during a separation because they want to influence the child's loyalty or they're too exhausted to be firm. Consistency and discipline ensure stability.

Do allow your children the right to their own emotions. Help them cope with all feelings, even the difficult ones.

Don't flaunt new relationships and potential stepchildren in front of them. Some parents do this to replace the family concept they wanted to work so badly but failed at. Others hope word will leak to their estranged spouse. It's not appropriate unless a long- term relationship develops. You shouldn't be dating in place of spending time with your kids. Besides, should your new beau depart, it's an emotional rerun for them.

Do gain independence. Children benefit from seeing that both parents can cook, balance a checkbook, and mow the lawn.

Do ask children to do age-appropriate tasks to help around the house. Preschoolers can keep their rooms neat, wipe their feet, put dirty clothing in the hamper, and set the table. As they grow, ask your kids to make their beds, clear the table, wash and dry dishes, rake leaves, and unpack groceries. Teens can prepare simple meals, wash clothes, and clean parts of the house (yes, even the bathroom!).

Don't threaten to send kids off to their dad. In the event that you slip up, apologize quickly and reassure that you said things you regret.

Do remember to be the parent. If you need a shoulder to lean on, try that of a friend, another adult, a minister or a therapist. Protect their childhood.

Don't overcompensate by buying things and indulging your kids.

Do realize that though you might dub your former partner a failed husband, he could be a successful father.

 

 

 

   
 

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