Ingredients
for healthy communication
Listening and
empathy
Speaking for yourself and not others. Children whose experiences
are constantly explained by someone else may not develop their
own sense of what their feelings or opinions are, much less
be able to express themselves in the world. A developing sense
of self includes speaking for yourself and not others, unless
they are truly unable to do so (i.e. too young or too sick,
etc.) Though children may not always be able to express themselves
clearly, they will develop their ability to do so if given the
opportunity. Valuing the expression of feelings, however, does
not mean you are always in agreement. Nor do
feelings negate consequences or discipline when it is required.
Self-disclosure
Being able to share your own feelings of resentment as well
as love and appreciation are examples of sharing intimate feelings
in the family. Feeling safe enough to share things that may
be troubling requires that families do not expect perfection
in people. If self-disclosure is practiced, a family can be
a safe place to retreat from the world, temporarily, while recovering
from life's ups and downs.
Clarity of the message
Whether a message is clearly communicated depends on how direct
the communication is and if the verbal and non-verbal communication
matches. Non-verbal tone which does not match the content of
the message can also be confusing, particularly to young children
who understand tonality but don't yet fully comprehend words.
Continuity: Tracking and staying on
topic
Researchers found that completing discussions of a topic during
a
conversation contributed significantly to healthy family communication.
Discussions, which allow for democratic expression, opinions
and sharing, while staying on track, enable children to learn
the skills necessary to set and achieve goals. Critical thinking
is a process that is learned in the family setting.
Respect and positive regard
Naturally the more you feel like you matter, the easier the
flow of
communication in a family. To treat one another with respect
for
feelings, even when we disagree has clearly obvious benefits.
However, less obvious is whether for other reasons, people feel
unimportant in the family. Younger siblings are often the most
vulnerable to feeling unimportant in a family because of their
developmental limits. It is important to take time to listen
to youngsters who do not yet have the vocabularies or speed
in self-expression that their older sibs enjoy.